MISS PENNY DREADFUL FASHION ADVENTURES!
how to be stylish and a fashionista in ireland...... now, this is very tongue in cheek and is intended that way. it is a commentary piece and nothing should be taken any other way then in jest.....
1 : climb the speakers at WAR until a bouncer pulls you off....screaming and shouting. then get sick on your shoes from the 'descent' of course. nothing to do with the 6 pints of overpriced cider you drank then......
2: book a ryanair flight to somewhere foreign on 'the holiday' and persist in telling everyone how cheap it was. 'sure t'was going for nothing like.'
3 : entertain in your lovely flat in Dublin in full gareth pugh before stumbling off to WAR on a friday. or soundcheck on a thursday, or Space n' veda on a wednesday...hey, pugh is expensive. get your money worth...cost per wear. then mutter loudly about the cost of cleaning said pugh in a recession. like.
4:shanghai a cow from your local farm and take it for a walk in a furry jacket, sunglasses. listening to lady gaga on your ipod loudly, mindful of the local paps. at all times. 'FROM MY LEFT SIDE ONLY YOU BRUTES!' mutter, 'dam paparrazzi.' to all the local farmers who ask are you' yer one off the telly.'
5 : wear a biker jacket and hang out with the rest of the rebels without a clue on paul street. mutter loudly about how your parents don't understand you. but your fall out boy album does.
6 : travel with a maid. who you have plucked from student digs in Limerick. who you will pay a euro an hour to. hey, 8 hours work means a box of fags to a student.....(my student days were leeeeean)
7 : go to penny's in limerick to buy a lovely bra and leave with about 50 other things you don't really want or need.....
8 : Fight a mugger for your topshop jewelry you got on sale.....your not going without a fight like
9 : go to Dublin zoo in vintage furs and ignore the burning looks of hatred, then make like a trooper and go to Lush on anti hunting day in the fur on your way home to get some soap to wash the smell of the bus home off you.
10: wear a thong swimsuit in kerry so indecent that the gardai are called in for public decency disorders....'ah sure, you know yourself.'
11: Wear a suit. anywhere. any time. it's always acceptable.
12 : order a silk slip. then freeze overnight in it.
13 : feel moved outside the opera house in Cork and vomit all over your red knitdress from topshop. after all. you can't afford valentino like.
14 : be the inspiration for a dress by being drunk and smoking in WAR in Dublin.
15 : wear a long veil in cork and hang out with the teenage goths getting drunk on stonehouse cider around Paul street.
16 : wear a tiara at all times in connemara. and get the locals asking 'When's the weddin'? (in irish of course)
17 : own the union jack chanel handbag and get spat at so many times you take it back (spit laden) to the girls at BT.
18 : wear head to toe gareth pugh while meeting your boy/girl friend's parents in rural west cork. and answer questions. 'So, where did you two meet like?'
19 : have your white shirts made by a hardworking LIMERICK SCHOOL OF ART AND DESIGN student who is nearly crying with workload from her degree show already. then dismiss it in the style of anna wintour. while wearing sunglasses.....
20 : watch barefooted around WAR in Dublin and spend three days picking broken glass and fag butts out of your feet.....with a full length gown swirling around you....
21 : book an entire carriage from Dublin to Cork and smoke while wearing a classic white shirt.....then get thrown off by a cork bus eireann worker for 'Not knowing about the smoking ban like.'
22 : Wear a corset on the nightbus home and pass out from asprixiation and the vodka.....
23 : Emerge from the shores in Kilkee and go native (and urs
ula andress) style in a bikini with a knife belted at the waist.......
24 : insist on being a tourist and doing the viking tour of dublin in a coast bridesmaid gown and insist on wearing the viking horns......
25 : dive off the pier in Glandore in west cork and watch one half of your topshop tiny swimsuit float away....
26 : Wear a balenciaga riding hat amongst the locals in ballybunion and get sectioned....
27 : go to the local hairdressers in galway and ask for a 'Linda' crop and watch them ask each other in confusion what the fuck that is......
28: Negotiate the steps in costellos nightclub in Limerick while wearing your very best runners/platform high heels with the art pack.....and fail so badly flan costello has to carry you to a taxi....
29: enjoy watching the drama in a front row spot at a drunken bitch fight outside Bondi Beach club in Dublin/ Cork. (bitch slaps transend distance)
30 - Stroll down Grafton street in a classic trench coat, lingere and bare legs and platforms....get hit on by tramps ....then suffer a terrible bout of the flu all week as a result....
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